Time really does fly fast when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? Last time I checked, I was back at home opening Christmas presents with my family on the last week of December. I was happy, fulfilled, and my heart was so full knowing that at the time I was surrounded by the people I love the most. Fast forward to now and I’m back in the city; basically back to reality. I mean, could things BE more complicated in here? Give me more problems! It’s not like I need any less of them, am I right??? Insert massive sigh here.
Second week of January started off roughly for me: talk about academic complications. Uni has just started and I’ve already got conflicts randomly knocking me off guard completely out of nowhere. The less university residency credits I need, the more of it I get. Which means I’ve got to be held back from graduating once again. Insert an even bigger sigh here.
BUT GUESS WHAT? SCREW THAT.
I choose not to see the situation in a negative way. Sure, I was upset at first. Unbelievably upset. But then I thought; I want to look at it as a gap for chance—chance to realize my areas of improvement (personality wise) and a chance to understand myself and what my purpose is calling me to do. Maybe whatever happened was meant to happen and although I see it as a bad thing, there probably is an underlying reason why it had to happen.
How, you may ask, did I come up with that conclusion? Isn’t it that when something unpleasant happens to us, something we are not expecting in the first place, it is only right and just to feel cheated on? That life is unfair and we’re just THAT unfortunate to have to handle problems we did not foresee? When we are confronted with conflicts, it’s so easy to fall into the deep pit of victim-mentality. So, you might be thinking, how did I come up with that choice?
Well, it wasn’t quick. And definitely it wasn’t simple. It took me a great deal of acceptance self-reflection. I had to re-evaluate the choices I made and the consequences that I have to deal with and just… accept it. But with acceptance and self-reflection comes the even greater force that helped me a lot into preferring a positive outlook: faith.
I’ve been holding on to my faith stronger than I ever had to before to the point that I think I wouldn’t have survived the week without it.
Before attending church yesterday, I took a small stroll around the university oval to unwind. And for some reason while I was walking around, a sense of calmness randomly hit me probably because the thought of going to church felt like coming home after a stressful week. And believe it or not, it felt so surreal. At that moment, I have never felt more connected to my faith and to God. Right then and there I realized: academic uncertainties sure are tough, and I might be facing one right now. But I’ve got a place, two places actually, to call home. One in the city and one in my hometown. I have a family whom I share a really close relationship with. I’ve got great friends with great attitude. I have access to quality education. I’ve got a roof above my head, and I always have food to eat.
It has just dawned on me that although I’m facing quite an academic uncertainty right now, I’ve got actual blessings right in front of me that I sometimes fail to appreciate because of all the craziness at uni. Or maybe getting held back from graduation, is even a blessing in disguise itself; maybe it’s meant to tell me that decisions do have consequences and that this is just a learning opportunity for me. Or maybe it’s even giving me a chance to get to know myself better.
To wrap this week up, I’m not going to lie: It’s the literal worst.
But holding on to my faith has helped me gain a new perspective: a perspective of hope, understanding, and learning to see things that are not so obvious. It has taught me to acknowledge the impact of my decisions no matter how small it is, and grasp the idea of actually learning from past instances caused by these decisions. With that said, enough attacking me week 2 of January, you won, alright, but you’re just a week in the crazy year coming ahead. You’re not a matter of life and death. So get this: thank u, next. (Ha, bet you didn’t see that coming! Okay, cringe.)